Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction

201: "Why Did You Do It?" How to Navigate the Hardest Question After Pornography Use

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam – https://stopporn.info/ 

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Episode Description:

After porn addiction is discovered in a relationship, one question almost always rises to the surface:
“Why did you do it?”

It’s one of the most difficult conversations couples face after betrayal trauma, especially when it involves porn addiction and marriage. Wives are often left reeling — trying to make sense of what happened, searching for answers, and feeling like their entire reality has shifted. Husbands, on the other hand, feel overwhelmed, defensive, or shut down — thinking, “I already told her everything. What more can I say?”

In this episode, we break down why the question “Why did he watch porn?” keeps coming up, and why giving the “right answer” is never really the point.
We’ll explore what’s actually going on beneath the surface — and how to respond in a way that leads to emotional connection after betrayal instead of more disconnection.

You’ll learn:

• Why “just being honest” isn’t always enough to rebuild trust after pornography

• How this question is often tied to deeper needs for emotional connection and safety

• Why shame and disclosure can block real healing if not handled with clarity

• How couples can begin healing from betrayal without getting stuck in endless rehashing

• The real reason most conversations break down when porn addiction recovery begins — and how to change that dynamic

• Practical tools for both partners to navigate this with compassion and presence

If you’re navigating trust after pornography, this episode will help you stop spinning in circles and start having the conversations that actually move you forward.

Whether you're early in your porn recovery marriage journey or years into the process, this episode will help you understand how to talk through the pain — not around it — and finally feel like you're making progress together.

 

200: The Real Reason You Keep Struggling with Porn — And Why More Rules Won’t Help

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam – https://stopporn.info/ 

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Episode Description:

If you've been stuck in the cycle of pornography for years, trying everything from filters to accountability partners, but still feel like you’re not making progress — this episode will change the way you see everything.

In today’s episode, Sam Tielemans breaks down why so many traditional approaches to porn addiction recovery leave men feeling discouraged, ashamed, and trapped in endless management strategies. 

If you’ve ever been told you just need to “have a plan” or “avoid triggering situations,” this episode offers a powerful reframe: it’s not about controlling your environment — it’s about healing the root.

You’ll hear real client stories about men who struggled with urges to watch porn during travel, late nights, and moments of disconnection — and why the real issue wasn’t the situation, but unhealed emotional wounds like low self-worth and fear of rejection.

Here’s what you’ll learn in this episode:

✔️ Why returning to porn is predictable — and why it’s not about the scenario, it’s about the story underneath
✔️ The truth behind “guardrail” strategies and why they don’t lead to real freedom
✔️ How to stop managing symptoms and instead use tools that address emotional triggers and shame
✔️ The power of accurate diagnosis: how identifying the real problem makes the path to change simple
✔️ Why relapse prevention isn't about more willpower — it’s about root-level transformation
✔️ How to build a plan that supports healing, not just behavior management

If you’ve been worn down by porn urges, constantly falling back into old patterns, or questioning your ability to ever be free — you’re not broken. You’ve just been using the wrong map.

This episode is for you if you're ready to:

• Learn how to stop porn urges at the root

• Address the hidden link between shame and self-esteem and compulsive behaviors

• Rebuild connection in your marriage and understand the truth about marriage and porn

• Finally get clarity on how to quit porn in a way that feels doable, grounded, and lasting

This isn’t just another pep talk — it’s a full reorientation.

You don’t need more discipline.
You need more clarity.

199: You Don’t Need to Do Everything to Quit Pornography — Just This One Thing

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Episode Description:

If you’re trying to quit pornography but feel like you’re constantly falling behind, this episode is exactly what you need.

In today’s conversation, Sam Tielemans, licensed marriage therapist and coach, breaks down a powerful shift that can help you get unstuck — without burning out. If you’ve ever thought, “I’m not doing enough,” or you’ve slipped back into old patterns, this episode will help you refocus and move forward with confidence.

You’ll learn:
✅ Why feeling stuck in quitting porn doesn’t mean you’re off track
✅ What to do when you feel like you’re falling behind in porn recovery
✅ The real reason your wife might not feel emotionally safe (even if you haven’t turned back to porn)
✅ How to rebuild trust after porn through connection, not just checklists
✅ Why the “work” isn’t about doing everything — and how couples can redefine the process together
✅ A practical feedback loop that shows you what to focus on to quit porn week by week
✅ How to get back on track with quitting porn even after setbacks

Whether you're just starting your journey to quit porn or you’ve been on this path for a while and feel discouraged, this episode will help you slow down, reset, and take the next right step in your porn addiction help process.

198: If You Want Your Urges for Pornography to Go Away, Do This

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam – https://stopporn.info/ 

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Episode Description:

Struggling with urges to watch porn that seem to come out of nowhere?

In this episode, Sam Tielemans, licensed therapist and host of the Couples Healing From Pornography podcast breaks down why those urges aren’t random — they’re emotional triggers pointing to deeper, unresolved issues.

If you're serious about porn addiction recovery, this episode will help you stop chasing surface-level solutions and start focusing on true healing.

You’ll learn:

✅ Why the urge is a lagging indicator — and what to do instead
✅ How shame and self-esteem silently drive the cycle
✅ The 3 leading causes behind most relapses (and how to spot them early)
✅ How emotional disconnection in your marriage plays a hidden role in porn relapses
✅ What actually works for relapse prevention — beyond filters and accountability partners

Whether you're trying to figure out how to quit porn for good or support your husband through porn addiction recovery, this episode will show you how to stop reacting and start getting ahead of the cycle.

This is more than behavior management — it’s about real freedom.

If you’re tired of the fight, and you want to stop porn urges before they start…

👉 This is the one episode you don’t want to miss.

 

197: You’re Not Codependent — You’re Craving Connection (Here’s the Difference)

Is it really codependency… or are you just craving safety after betrayal?

In this episode, Sam Tielemans, licensed marriage therapist and host of the Couples Healing From Pornography Addiction Podcast, unpacks one of the most misunderstood topics in relationships impacted by pornography: codependency.

If you've ever felt “too needy” for reassurance, or struggled to reconnect after your spouse’s porn use, this conversation will help you understand what's really happening beneath the surface — and how to break the cycle.

You'll learn:

• Why porn addiction creates deep attachment wounds in marriage

• The difference between codependent behavior and healthy reassurance-seeking

• How emotional insecurity shows up after betrayal (and what to do instead)

• A step-by-step example of how couples shift from defensiveness to vulnerability

• How to ask for reassurance in a way that builds emotional safety and trust

• The real reason “talking about it” often leads to shutdowns and fights — and how to change that

Whether you're a husband trying to rebuild trust or a wife wondering if you're too much, this episode offers powerful insights and practical steps to heal the damage, stop the reactivity, and reconnect from a place of honesty and strength.

 

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam – https://stopporn.info/ 

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

196: Summertime: Visual Temptation Is Everywhere — Here’s How He Can Stay Grounded and Help Her Feel Safe

Summertime can be one of the hardest seasons for men working to overcome porn addiction, stay sexually grounded, and rebuild trust in their marriage. With more revealing clothing and constant visual stimulation, many husbands feel guilt and frustration — while their wives feel fear, insecurity, and anxiety.

In this powerful episode, Sam Tielemans, licensed marriage and family therapist and expert in porn addiction recovery, unpacks how to handle triggers without shame, how to lead your mind instead of being led by it, and how to create emotional safety in your relationship — even when temptation is everywhere.

You’ll learn:

• Why visual triggers aren’t actually the problem (and what is)

• How to redirect your attention without suppressing desire

• What real sexual mastery looks like (and how to build it)

• Practical steps to regain focus and emotional control in public settings

• How to reassure your wife and rebuild trust through open leadership

Whether you're trying to stop porn, navigate sexual triggers in marriage, or become the kind of man who stays grounded under pressure — this episode will give you the tools to stand firm like a pier in the waves.

 

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam – https://stopporn.info/ 

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop – http://trust.stopporn.info

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Go to www.coupleshealing.org and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

195: Why Stress Triggers Porn Addiction — And How to Break the Pattern

Why Stress Triggers Porn Addiction — And How to Break the Pattern

If you struggle with porn addiction and find yourself relapsing whenever life gets stressful or overwhelming, this episode is for you. 

Sam Tielemans, licensed therapist and expert in porn addiction recovery, reveals the hidden link between stress and pornography use — and how to break the cycle for good.

You’ll discover:

• Why stress and overwhelm often trigger porn urges
• How your brain becomes conditioned to seek porn as an emotional escape
• The 5-step framework to stop using porn as a coping mechanism
• How to handle stress without turning to pornography
• Real client examples of men who rewired their patterns and overcame relapse
• How to start rebuilding trust in your marriage after porn use

Whether you’re trying to quit porn, overcome chronic porn relapses, or heal your relationship from the damage porn has caused, this episode will give you a clear, actionable path forward.

 

Want help uncovering the real reasons behind your urges and building a plan to overcome pornography use?

Click here to book a free clarity call with Sam

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

194: A Simple Way to Make Big Progress—In Solving Problems & Building Skills (pt. 3)

Welcome back! This is part three of a three-part series to help you make real progress on your healing journey.

In the first episode, we talked about five key skills every man needs to stop using porn. In the second episode, we looked at five relationship skills that help couples rebuild trust and feel close again.

Today, I want to share a simple framework that shows why people get stuck—and how to move forward faster. When I work with someone, I look for what’s in the way of their progress. It usually comes down to one of two things:

1. A knowledge gap – they don’t know what to do.

2. An emotional block – they do know what to do, but something inside stops them from doing it.

In this episode, I’ll walk you through three real-life problems couples often deal with, and show you how this framework can help you figure out your next steps.

For therapy with Sam:

I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back.

If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do.

Click here for info to work with me directly.

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

193: 5 Relationship Skills You Need to Repair the Damage and Find Closure (pt. 2)

In today’s episode, we’re diving into five essential skills that will help you and your partner heal and grow after being impacted by pornography use.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, stuck, or unsure where to begin in the recovery process—or if you’re willing to do the work but just need direction—this episode is for you.

You’ll learn about practical, proven skills that have helped hundreds of couples make real progress and strengthen their relationship, no matter what stage you’re in.

These five skills can help you take the next step forward on your journey to healing together.

 

For therapy with Sam:

I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back.

If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do.

Click here for info to work with me directly.

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.

Tune in to get clarity, encouragement, and actionable steps to support your relationship! 

192: 5 Core Skills You Need to Overcome Pornography For Good (pt. 1)

Struggling with porn use isn't about who you are—it's about the approach you've been using. Fighting urges after they appear is too late.

The key is learning skills to prevent the first domino from falling. When you handle what causes porn use before urges start, freedom becomes possible.

In this 3-part series, I'll cover skills to overcome porn use, rebuild relationships, and implement these changes effectively.

Today's episode shares five core skills for men to break free. For women listening, seeing your partner work on these will bring you peace.

Focus on what happens before the urge, not just on avoiding slips. True recovery means addressing what occurs five steps before temptation begins.

Additional resource: A deeper dive on identifying and resolving the root cause:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/7uBQEvCU7lxrHQkKmZFc4x?si=nYbUO_MOS1y-Gdw9r-NI0A

 

For therapy with Sam:

I will work with you for 12 weeks to help you eliminate pornography use and resolve the root cause so it doesn't come back.

If after the 12 weeks you haven’t fully overcome it, I’ll work with you for free until you do.

Click here for info to work with me directly.

 

Have questions you want me to address on future podcast episodes?

Email me here: 

sam@healingcouples.org

 

Get access to my trust building workshop:

Rebuild Trust Workshop

 

Want access to a free course I created for my podcast listeners?

Click the Couples Healing website and in the course you'll learn some top strategies to find healing from addiction and trauma, rebuild trust, experience freedom, and begin to reconnect with each other in the relationship.

 

Follow Me on Instagram for daily tips and tools you can implement to overcome pornography addiction.